Sunday, February 7, 2010

Private Mission

The hazards of privacy was top of mind now. He realized when there was a disconnect between his external persona and his internal convictions life was just more difficult. No hiding behind a noble mission on this one. Privacy came at a high cost. Privacy is a security blanket. If I am private, I can pretend to be somebody other than who I am so those who want to harm me don't know where to shoot.

But what a price, that very protection from those who would harm one out of negligence or ill intent also prevented the kind of rapport with friends that would provide protection too, and more efficiently. Friendly trumps gates, he thought.

But a poor copy of friendly can occur too. A group that ostensibly protects one another (a good thing) but does so out of loyalty enforced by the threat of coercion and sometimes violence. The classic gang scenario. The voice of this congregation, "Don't mess with me, my 'friends' will make you pay." The very characteristic that makes humans capable, especially in a group context, there adaptability is subordinated to loyalty to a gang 'leader'. An often insecure but intelligent human that has not come to terms with her/his fear and anger.

Privacy, in your name I can harm, perhaps even kill the enemy. There will always be enemies, I believe that. I can tell you where they are because I am constantly on the lookout for them. When someone disagrees with me I know the enemy may be very close. So I will say, "Don't mess with me". Sometimes an enemy will hide that fact. I must be ever vigilant. That thing I don't want to remember … if I had only been vigilant. I won't make that mistake again. What did you say? Did you really mean it? Are you just messing with me?

So, maybe there is something good about privacy? For the moment, it was difficult to think of what that might be. Is it that privacy is the default mode since it is the safest in an environment not tested yet for friendliness? That could explain why post traumatic stress disorder is rife with the exaggerated sense of danger.

She clearly was not in a good place. What was visible was that she was not as happy as before. Alternating between the free-flowing talent that represented the dynamic good in her environment and an incongruous suspicion. They were doing it to. He did not see them as much but he could see that they too had a weary look that would come and go, inexplicably.

Temporarily disabling the tool had a much larger benefit than he expected. Once again, evidence that so much more is happening internally than he could be consciously aware of. Speculating that a contract made some sense he started documenting his ideas related to a fair transaction of value in this context. Once again, exteriorizing a record of that meme stream was leading to value. Just as the recently decoded section had implicitly promised.

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